Dear Mrs. Web,
I am a fifteen-year-old boy and I have an 11 o’clock curfew. All of my friends, even the 13-year-olds are able to stay out later occasionally. So I miss some special events. My friends and I like going to see bands. I am only permitted to go to the local events while everyone else can go to shows up to an hour away. I am so left out. My mother and I had a big argument yesterday because I again missed a show because of my early curfew. I really blew up and said a lot of nasty things. I think she deserved it. My stepfather stepped in and got in my face and scared me. He told me to stop and go to my room, which I did. My friends and their families call my house ?the Boot Camp? because my mother and stepfather are so strict. I have asked my mother to divorce him but I do love the rest of his family. I don’t know what to do. I am so mixed up.
Please help me.

Dear Mixed Up,
You are fifteen and have a fairly liberal curfew. Your mother and stepfather have chosen 11 p.m. You want more and your mother vetoed it. So you blew a gasket and think she deserved it because she has been cramping your style. Your stepfather stepped in to make it clear that although you are her son, you are not allowed to speak to your mother, his wife with disrespect. Frankly, you should have a healthy respect and fear of the consequences of stepping out of line at home. It sounds like your parents are doing their best to parent you and they have different standards than the people around them. You make fun of your family when you are with your friends. This doesn’t sound very mature or loyal to me and I bet that your attitude around the house has vacillated between acting pained for not getting what you want, and being sullen.

All families have different standards and expectations for their teenagers. If you want to earn more trust and expand your horizons, start acting more maturely. A grownup, when told by his superiors (yes, we all have superiors, whether managers, or customers, or clients) to do something, does not pout, argue or beg for it to be different. Instead, he takes his instruction cheerfully and willingly. Character building understands that most situations do not last forever, change is guaranteed. Learn to accept the present with an eye to the future. When your parents see evidence of your maturity, they will give you more freedom. In your shoes, I would apologize to your mother.... and as difficult as it may be... also apologize to your stepfather. It is the beginning to getting your relationship on a better track and maturing.

You may also want to look at more positive ways to blow off your frustrations. Exercise, sports, writing, art and music are all good ways to take out frustration. You sound like a thoughtful son who understands consequences. Your parents are doing the best they can and you need to give it your best too.
Regards,
Mrs. Web

Dear Mrs. Web,
I am left-handed and every time I write my hand starts to hurt. Is there any way to make it easier to write?

Dear Left-Handed,
You may need a referral to an occupational therapist. You may be holding your pen in a way that strains your muscles. Talk to your parents about it.
Regards,
Mrs. Web

Dear Mrs. Web,
I am 17 years old and frustrated because I have never had a serious relationship. My two best friends have serious boyfriends and I am always left out. When we have a sleepover they always call their boyfriends to say good night. That upsets me because it shows how alone I am. What should I do?

Dear Frustrated,
About 50% of teenagers do not have a "serious" relationship. They are the most successful people in life. Often they put off relationships until the last years of their schooling. If your best friends are in relationships and you are not, it is not a reflection on you. In fact, 17 year-olds who need to call their boyfriends from a sleepover are, in Dear Mrs. Web's opinion, emotionally stunted. Teens need to find their strengths as individuals and that does not happen if you are muckled onto a man. There is only one kind of serious relationship and that is one with an engagement ring and leads into a wedding ring ...everything else is just playing grownup.
Regards,
Mrs. Web

Dear Mrs. Web,
I have decided to dress the way I wanted to be dressed. So I bought clothes I actually liked instead of the clothes my mother liked. Mom was fine about it. At the school where I take biology and in the homeschool coop people are always asking me if I am having problems at home. I tell them that I chose these clothes because I wanted to be different. At my job they make me take off my necklaces or go home and change. How can I get people off my back?

Dear Trendy,
If you are wearing clothes that call extreme attention to yourself, and you don't want the attention then cut back to clothes that are not so obvious. How a person dresses is their proclamation to the world about how they want people to perceive them. Whatever it is you are wearing concerns the people around you because of the message you send and because radical changes often have a reason. Don’t be tiresome by wearing clothes that scream ?Look at me and my message? and be upset when people react.
Regards,
Mrs. Web

Dear Mrs. Web,
My thirteen-year-old son has his own room. He has a number of inappropriate women posters in his room including one of his girlfriend. I don’t like having them in the house but I don’t know whether I should say anything. It is his room. What should I do?

Dear Parent,
Actually it isn’t his room. You are paying the mortgage, heat, lights, electricity, water, taxes, and insurance bills. Legally you have to provide him with three hots and a cot, adequate clothing and access to medical care. Everything else is a privilege. If your thirteen-year-old son has something in his room you find morally compromising, it goes.
You are his parent, and you are to provide him with moral guidance. One very important aspect of this guidance is a firm stand on what you will and won’t accept. No compromising, no negotiating, and no screaming, but instead, kind but firm rules. Now, write me a letter about that girlfriend?!!
Regards,
Mrs. Web


About the author:
Dear Mrs. Web provides free, on-line, personal advice to her many readers. She welcomes your letters and comments. Visit Dear Mrs. Web at www.dearmrsweb.com
In real life, Dear Mrs. Web is a homeschooling mother, registered nurse and licensed clinical therapist. She lives with her family in Maine.