An Act of Charity by Shirley M.R. Minster

An act of charity is done selflessly, with little thought for oneself. It is done in consideration of the other person, with much humility.

This type of love is active, not passive. Results may not be evident for
days, weeks, months, or even years. The giver tries hard not to expect charity in return, but goes about the work diligently in spite of the receiver’s attitude, words, and actions. Parents and stepparents who have hurting teens must adopt the attitude of the charity-giver. How difficult it is to give this selfless love when the teen is striking out at anyone in his path. How important it is to consistently minister in charity because when one least expects it, the teen acknowledges the acts of love.

When a teen is struggling to overcome difficulties that are internal, the parents have a tremendous job ahead of them to remain steady. Depression, fear of others, fear of leaving the home, anxiety disorder, anorexia, and bulimia are just a few of the types of deeply imbedded emotional and physical difficulties some teens struggle to work with and overcome. Learning how to fashion home life in such a positive way takes commitment and courage. It also takes much energy and financial resources to discover available treatments and learn how to work effectively. It is important for the teen to learn how to venture into the workforce while continuing to move ahead in his education. This will not be possible if the parents have not been willing to be patient, encouraging, and gentle in their caring. One student told me that he appreciated his folks’ love, which was demonstrated sacrificially on a daily basis. Because he was given time to rest physically, mentally, and emotionally, he had learned to understand himself better and to realize that life is lived one day at a time, not according to some pre-ordained schedule.

One mother and father were trying hard to work better with their teen after a particularly tumultuous previous two years of high school. The student wanted to a better life, but was not sure if it were even possible given his very poor choices in the past. He wanted a change, but was fearful. Looking into his eyes, listening to him talk about his interests and goals, and listening to the loving structure his parents had placed around him gave me hope that they would succeed. The adults had been able to prove to him that they were willing to do whatever it took to help him rise above the circumstances that had put such a distance between them. They showed charity in their willingness to work with him, not holding a grudge, but looking to the future. They admitted that it was a struggle, but finally they were seeing the fruits of their labors.

Working with high school students who want to learn is stimulating. Once they recognize that an adult really cares about their aspirations, they are willing to ask for help. They become more open about their dreams, hopes, and goals. A young lady expressed her hopes for her high school year. She wanted to be able to focus on a promising athletic career, but not at the expense of her education. When we met to prioritize her program, I was impressed with her desire to organize her day so that she would not become overwhelmed with any one aspect, but recognizing that she would have to be dedicated to both athletics and education. She pleasantly and consistently looked to her mother to help her make decisions. She had learned to trust her mother and their relationship was one of mutual respect and love.

All adults have an important role in the upbringing of teens. It is a serious responsibility and commitment to act in charity. They are watching us and modeling themselves. Act in charity and witness the fruits of your labors.

About the author: Shirley Minster is a Master Degree certified teacher, well known as a friend and advocate of alternatives in education. Her consulting work is with individual students, parents and K-12 schools and colleges, nationally and internationally. She is also called upon to present expert court testimony in homeschooling cases that are facing legal challenges. Shirley is the founder of Home Education & Family Services and Royal Academy which provide unique services to families who have chosen to educate their own children. Royal Academy, a state recognized private school, provides custom-designed programs for students grade K -12 including students with special needs.Contact her: 207-657-2880 sminster@securespeed.net