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by Shirley M.R. Minster, MS.Ed.
There is a difference between discussing and talking. One means give-and-take, a sharing of ideas and opinions. The other means moving one’s lips to utter sounds. Parrots talk, people discuss.
As we learn how to communicate with one another, certain conversational rules should be followed. If your family finds it difficult time to discuss issues with one another, learning and using the rules should help. However, rules are not made to be followed by just some of the people, but by all participants. If discussion has been almost nonexistent in your home, then learning and following certain rules should help.
Rule 1
Think before you speak. Decide what you want to say. This suggests that you will understand and agree with yourself before sharing it with the listeners. Seems easy, but can be difficult.
Rule 2
Listen to others. Listening means determining to understand what the other person is trying to say. It is not thinking about your rebuttal.
Rule 3
Use appropriate words that convey cleanly what you want to say. Do not utter improper language (sometimes known as nasty words). You will not get far by using inappropriate words, slang, or x-rated words.
Rule 4
Face the person to whom you are speaking. Eye contact is important and shows the other person that you care enough to focus your attention. Sit across from one another. Keep distractions to a minimum.
Rule 5
Use body language that encourages rather than discourages. Keep your arms down rather than folding them across your chest in the defensive posture. Rest your hands comfortably on the arms of the chair or on the table. Nod your head at times or say, “I see what you’re saying” or “Yes”. “Uh huh” works as long as it is not say too often.
Rule 6
Have coffee, tea, or some other beverage while you’re talking. For most people, it’s easier to discuss things when one’s hands are holding something. Have crackers or cookies to munch on, too.
Rule 7
If trying to agree on steps to use in a certain situation, it can be helpful to have paper and pencil handy to make a list of steps to follow.
Rule 8
Remain calm. Agree with the other party that this is going to be a time to communicate one’s opinion, not a time to scold or ridicule.
Rule 9
Discuss the importance of understanding the sentence ‘It’s okay to agree to disagree’.
Rules, better referred to as common courtesy, make the give-and-take of discussions go more smoothly. Consideration of one another will keep us from becoming parrots and instead enjoying discourse.
About the author:
Shirley M.R. Minster is founder and director of Home Education & Family Services and Royal Academy. Working with families all over the world, Shirley and her very experienced staff provide homeschooling families with custom-designed programs for each child and the necessary support and assistance each family needs to succeed. For more information visit the web site: http://www.homeeducator.com
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