What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about the holidays? For me, it’s about spending time with family. Now that our family is growing up, we don’t always have all our children with us during a holiday. I find myself valuing the holidays when we are all together, even more than ever before. They say you don’t know what you
have until it’s gone, and when the children were small and dependent, I probably didn’t appreciate being together on the holidays the way I do
now.

During the years when the children were very small, back when we only had 2 children, we often spent the holidays with extended family. It
wasn’t uncommon for forty-five to sixty family members to gather at either my husband’s parent’s home or cottage, or at the home of one of his siblings, for Thanksgiving Day. My parents still lived in Pennsylvania, so we recall long car trips from Michigan to spend holidays with them. My brother had moved to California, so it was rare to see him on the holidays. One year, my parents drove and my brother and his wife flew to Michigan and we were all together at the home of my sister- and brother-in-law for Thanksgiving.

I remember the first few holidays with my husband’s large extended family. I was used to just my parents, my brother, and I around the table for birthdays and holidays. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed at holiday time. When I married my husband, I also became an instant aunt fourteen times over! I still don’t have any nieces or nephews on my side of the family, while currently, my husband and I have fifteen nieces and nephews and a total of thirty-two great-nieces and nephews (sixteen of each)! Our oldest great-niece just got married on our twenty-eighth wedding anniversary! Life goes on. The first Thanksgiving away from my family of four, and into a house full of children ranging from babes in arms to dating teenagers, with music, games, and in-laws asking when I was going to have some kids of my own, I crept away to find a quiet corner and weep a little weep, as Louisa May Alcott says, because I was so homesick for my family, and for some quiet!

Another year, I was expecting son number two when my grandfather died in New Jersey. I was unable to fly out for the funeral, which was over the Christmas holidays, so afterwards my parents drove my grandmother, my nearest and dearest cousin, and her little boy from New Jersey to Michigan to spend New Years with us. I still remember them arriving at the home of another of my husband’s sister’s. A friend of theirs was playing the piano, guitars and violins were accompanying and we were having a sing-along when my family arrived. What a special memory!

Gradually I learned to love the huge family gatherings. The first time we had Thanksgiving at our own house there were twenty-eight pies! My parents moved to Michigan to be near the grandchildren, and not long afterwards we had our third son. We moved to the country, and applied to adopt a fourth child, a daughter this time! We had a busy fall that year. We began homeschooling with a fifth grader, a second grader, and a toddler. We received our adoption referral from Korea in October. And we had Thanksgiving in the unfinished basement of our new house! (I think we had sixty-five that year, family and friends). I made a huge poster on the wall of the basement, with a map of Korea, the picture of our new baby, and all the information about adoption and Korea that I had collected. When everyone lined up to get their food from the buffet, I crept away for the first time in years, so be by myself, and to shed a few tears for our little baby girl who was halfway around the world. Our niece had a tiny baby girl who should have been born the same week in September as our daughter, but had been born on July 4th instead. I remember holding that still tiny bundle, and another bouncing great-niece that day, and wondering what my own little girl would feel like in my arms.

Our daughter arrived home in March and we gradually added some new holidays to our calendar. We have arrival day, also called airplane day, when we often prepare Korean food or go out to a Korean restaurant to celebrate; finalization day, the day our daughter legally became a member of our family; and naturalization day, remembering the day our daughter became a United States citizen.

These days, with our children growing up, our holiday celebrations tend to be a little different. Sometimes we all get together for a holiday dinner, or go skiing and snowboarding on Christmas Day! Quite often, though, our grownup kids have their own plans. Both our older boys are single. Ryan, 23, owns his own home, works full-time as an instructor and program director (read service writer) in the Automotive Technologies Department of a Technology Center, sits on the Police Committee of his village council, and takes night classes at Western Michigan University. In his so-called spare time he works on his and others’ vehicles, and continues to work on his house. This fall we’ve been helping him paint the exterior. Since he teaches, he is limited to summer vacations and holiday breaks from school. Over Christmas vacation this year, he plans to visit my brother and his wife in Nevada and enjoy some skiing. He’ll be with family but we’ll miss him in our family circle at home. Aaron, 20, still lives at home and works full-time for his father, a painting contractor. He spends most weekends in Wisconsin, where his girlfriend lives. Though he’s not officially tied to a school schedule, his girlfriend is attending radiology school. Over Christmas break, Aaron is going with her family to Colorado, where they will visit her sister and husband, stay in her family’s condo, and go skiing/snowboarding. That leaves us at home with Ervin, 15 and Jacinta, 12, over the holidays. I’m sure we’ll try to find some snow and do some skiing. Dwight and I have already had some wonderful trips this year with our two younger children, Ervin and Jacinta. In March of this year, we combined some homeschool speaking engagements with visiting my brother and his wife, visited a number of educational sites, and enjoyed meeting quite a few of my brother’s friends. In July we took a few days and took our sailboat across the straits to Mackinac Island from Mackinac City, visited several historical sites, sailed under the Mighty Mac Bridge, and enjoyed playing tourist, swimming, eating pasties and fudge, and just being together.

When the ?missing the older boys? blues hit this Christmas, I’ll remember last Christmas when not only our immediate family, but also my parents, Aaron’s girlfriend, a friend of Ryan’s (then a bachelor but now happily married), and one of Jacinta’s friends were all here on Christmas Day for a wonderful dinner and some rollicking games of Pictionary©!

Life isn’t static. Children grow up, become independent, and develop their own lives. If we keep family times fun and enjoyable, our kids will come back over the years to spend time with us. Homeschooling helps to make those bonds deep and tight. Our older boys are already thanking us for homeschooling them, for moving to the country where they could grow up wandering the woods, and being available when they need to talk. I used to counsel young mothers of new babies, when they asked, ?When are things going to get back to normal??. My response was that things don’t get back to normal, but your family will find a new normal that seems right for you. I cherish the good memories of watching my children grow up from babies to youngsters to young adults. It’s important to give them both roots and wings. The wings will take them away from us, for longer and longer times, perhaps, but the roots will bring them back again. And I’m gradually getting used to our new normal.

May your holidays be memorable and happy, may your family be close, if not in your home, in your heart.

About the Author:
Marsha Ransom is the mother of 4 homeschooled children, two of whom have always been homeschooled. She serves as a homeschool resource for her local library, MI liaison for NHEN (National Home Education Network), edits the local homeschool newsletter, is a freelance writer who has written articles for Home Education Magazine, San Diego Parent, and Your Home and Family, among others. She teaches writing for her local homeschool cooperative, which she helped organize, is the author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Homeschooling, is a part-time reporter for her local newspaper, and is currently working on a novel. You can order The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Homeschooling from your local bookstore or on-line at www.amazon.com.
Signed copies are available by sending a check for $19.50 ($16.95
discounted to $14.50 plus shipping and handling) to M. Ransom, 10411
68th Street, South Haven, MI 49090.
Contact Marsha at: 269-637-3748
mransom@cybersol.com