It seems to happen like clock work. The phone at my house starts buzzing off the hook at predictable intervals. The first onslaught of calls usually comes just before or just as school starts up in the Fall. The next onslaught of calls comes later in the academic year, usually in January as the first semester is ending. The calls that I receive at these times are not from parents who are praising schools and all the success their children are having there. Rather, they are from parents who have given school a good chance and just don't want to continue waiting for things to get better. Usually the parents are in despair because, in one form or another, school is not meeting the needs of their child or children. The questions these parents ask are unique to each situation and yet have relatively familiar themes.

For those of you who are new to homeschooling or simply considering its possibility I'd like to share the commonly asked questions that come my way when things are falling apart. My hope for you is that the answers to these questions will help you find your way in this transitional time in your lives.

Let's start with the first, and most commonly asked question. I want to begin homeschooling my child, how do I start? My advice is always to do lots of reading on the subject. Of course I suggest that parents read my book Homeschooling Our Children, Unschooling Ourselves. I wrote it for those who are new to the notion of homeschooling and want to learn more about the possibilities that lay ahead should they choose to homeschool. I also tell all callers, whether or not they have teens, to read The Teenage Liberation Handbook and Real Lives, both by Grace Llewellyn. Of course, the work of John Taylor Gatto, Dumbing Us Down and The Underground History of American Education are part of my recommended reading list. If the parent I am talking to is discussing a teen with me, I often suggest that the parents and teens do the exploratory work together.

Besides reading books about homeschooling and what it is, I strongly suggest that parents become familiar with the statutes governing homeschooling in their state. If callers are not familiar with resources for such statutes, I tell them that most libraries will have copies of the relevant material. When parents tell me they wouldn't know where to begin looking up the homeschool statutes, I suggest that they work with their reference librarian. Such librarians are glad to help people find resources. Often I suggest that they also ask the librarian if they know of homeschooling support groups in the area.

Sometimes the parent who is calling me has already taken a child from school. They are calling in desparation because now they are faced with educating their child and they have no idea where to begin. They often say, "I just signed up for homeschooling, can you tell me where to get the books and what to do.?" My answer to these parents often comes as a surprise. "There are no specific books that you are to use, no specific curricula that you are mandated to use and no specific time lines that you must follow." Once I've said that we get into the meat of the answer. I tell them that every homeschool is unique and that that is the beauty of homeschooling. We discuss the reasons for the uniqueness of each homeschool: each family, and each child within the family, has unique learning needs. As we talk, it becomes clear to them that homeschooling is not necessarily a replication of what takes place in public and private schools. This can often be a frightening concept to grapple with so I emphasize the fact that this is the strength of homeschooling. My reminder of this fact is that if a child is unhappy in school doing what school people ask, that same child will usually be just as unhappy at home doing that same sort of work.

Once the parent begins to understand the freedoms that they now have they often ask, "but where do I really begin?" My advice is that the best place to begin is by slowing down. I remind them that they now have the freedom to shake the cobwebs out of their system and begin to learn to enjoy the process of living each day fully without the thought of bells telling them to jump from one subject to the next and from one grade level to the next. I strongly advise that the parent begin the homeschooling process by simply spending lots of time with their child. With that child they should explore everything together - what he/she wants to learn, what type of homeschooling style will best suit that need, what excites the child, what excites them. If the child has strong non-academic interests I suggest that a focus on those interests is often the best place to start. I remind them to put academics aside for a while. Take a break from what has been so miserable (traditional schooling) and re-discover the joy of learning. "Your job as a new homeschooler," I remind the parent, "should be that of learning how to facilitate the learning needs of your child and how to create a happy learning environment."

Sometimes the caller will say, "Yes, what you are saying makes so much sense to me, but I have been told so many different things about what to do and how to get started already. What am I really supposed to do?" My response to this question is that every family makes its own decisions about what to teach, how to teach and what materials they will use. I remind them that every homeschooler they talk to will give them a different opinion about what to do, what works, and what to avoid. I tell them this is natural and that this is what makes homeschooling such a wonderful alternative. My reminder is that homeschooling is a customized educational plan for each individual child. Each parent customizes as the need suits their situation. I am careful to remind parents that they can try or discard anything that others may suggest. They are not required to follow advice that does not seem to resonate well with them. Most importantly, though, I say, "If you try something and it does not work, feel free to drop it and go on to something else. Homeschooling should be fun and richly rewarding."

Often parents call me in a state of great duress. They may have a teen who is getting into trouble with the wrong crowd, for example. Their questions may be something like, "I need some help because my daughter is getting into real bad trouble with her friends, she's not going to graduate, what can I do?" Since I have never faced such a situation in my own family (my children never went to school) so I can only answer by speaking of what I know about school and homeschooling. I usually tell the parents that if the teen were my daughter I would make an attempt to put aside notions of having her graduate and shift the focus onto getting her out of trouble. Often parents agree that this is the best course of action. The parents and I then begin a conversation about what it means to get a child out of trouble. Usually the first step is to get the teen out of school quickly. If that can be done we talk about next steps. If the teen was in trouble at school because they hated the work, I remind parents not to replicate that sort of learning environment at home. I suggest that parents offer their teen many different options. These options may include letting the teen find a paying job, letting the teen try enrichment classes in art, photography and the like, letting the teen loose to read and explore on their own. This advice is based on my fervent belief that if we give teens the opportunity to immerse themselves in the things they truly love, their passions will consume them rather than trouble.

As my conversations come to a close with the parents who call, I always tell them, "Call back if I can be of further help." Over the years I have been richly rewarded with return calls saying that life is so much better now that families have freed themselves school and its rigid structures. As always I will continue to look forward to answering the questions of those who write to me.

Alison McKee is the parent of two grown homeschoolers and author of Homeschooling Our Children, Unschooling Ourselves and From Homeschool to College and Work. She lives with her husband in Madison, Wisconsin and continues to offer support to those who are looking for alternatives to traditional schooling methods. Her books are available at P.O. Box 5211, Madison WI, 53705.