Homeschooling

Housework by Gender by Jon Remmerde

Our daughters came home from college for the summer. Amanda walked up the driveway and across the highway to a dude ranch six days a week, four or five hours a day, and cleaned rooms and cabins. Juniper drove up the mountain about ten miles to a resort, where she cleaned rooms and cabins, took care of horses, and guided horseback trail rides.

Laura, wife and mother of our family, drove about eight miles five days a week to a country club, where she cleaned cabins, rooms, and the club house.
Twenty-seven hours a week, I took care of the Girl Scout ranch where we lived in northern Colorado's Rocky Mountains, and I wrote stories, books, essays, and poems. Sometimes, I sold part of what I wrote and helped pay our way in the world.
While Juniper and Amanda lived away from home, we forgot some of the smooth team habits that held our household neatly together through years of home schooling. During our busy summer of all living together again, dishes accumulated or other household chores lacked performance. We agreed to hold a meeting to establish a path toward more order.

I rehearsed a defense. "I put a new starter motor, a water pump, and a battery in the Subaru and got it ready for the road. I cleaned the garage. I take care of recycling, and I cut the grass. I usually fix breakfast and wash dishes after breakfast. Sometimes, I vacuum and sweep."

I read a survey. Many men think they do a larger part of the housework and child care than their wives would agree with. The survey reinforced an idea I've long held: "Don't treat surveys as fact. People often tell you what they wish or what they think you want to hear, not what actually is."

I said, "Men feel guilty because they're part of a male chauvinist society. Because of their sense of guilt, they lie about what they do and about their attitudes toward housework, child care, and all the other unpaid work of existence."
Laura said, "Not necessarily. Some of the discrepancy between what men say and what women say probably comes from a difference in perspective. A man washes the dishes and sweeps the kitchen floor, and he's finished the housework."
Amanda said, "A woman, especially a woman trained in professional cleaning, washes the dishes, bleaches the sink, cleans the countertops, the stove, inside and outside, the refrigerator, washes the cupboard doors, sweeps, mops and waxes the kitchen floor, and that room is finished until she finds time to clean drawers and cupboards inside."

Juniper didn't participate in the discussion. She rode her horse to the top of a rise, where the trail emerged from the forest into meadows, and saw a bull moose, antlers spread wide against the morning sky. She told us, "I was really excited. I wanted the people on the ride to see the moose, but he walked into the forest before they got to where I was."

If what Laura and Amanda say is correct, differences in perspective by gender still speak of a culture in which women often do the largest part of unpaid but necessary work to maintain households, even if their jobs take as much time as men's jobs.
Around the kitchen table, we conferred about how we would achieve necessary housework. I didn't get much chance to defend myself. I launched into the first part of my dramatic defense. My audience looked at me tolerantly. Amanda interrupted me, "Nobody said you didn't do your part. We love you just like you are."
Juniper said, "We're busier than we ever were before, because all of us have jobs. If we want a more orderly house, we'll have to make that a higher priority. I think we can all try harder, but we need some time just to be, too." We magneted a written schedule to the refrigerator, with the main household chores assigned.
We ended our meeting and walked together in late afternoon mountain sunshine. Birds sang and flew across the meadows, through the forest. Deer grazed near the small stream that runs through the ranch.

Despite lack of criticism, I tried harder to ease part of the burden for the gainfully employed women of the household. Their jobs took more hours than mine did.
Juniper and Amanda saved money for their plane tickets to England in the fall, with a college class. They studied and wrote papers for that class. Jobs, housework, and outdoor adventures took up much of our time. We found some time for writing, drawing, and music.

We didn't refer much to the schedule on the refrigerator. Whoever had time
did what most needed doing. If anyone wandered too far from order, we reminded that one that we were a team and all members must contribute.
One car broke. I got up at 4:30 and took Laura to work, again at 7:00 and
took Juniper to work. I drove off in the afternoon at different times to bring them home.

I watched red-tailed hawks soar above the meadows and forests of the Rocky Mountains. A bald eagle coasted on air currents above me after I took Juniper to work. Deer grazed the ridges above the road. A grey, white, black, and russet coyote crossed the dirt road and ran into a densely growing stand of aspens whose leaves yellowed and began to fall.

At daylight, elk trotted down from the ridge above the road. There were so many of them, they looked like the brown, tan, and black ground turned fluid and flowed to lower ground.

Cold days and nights came to the Rocky Mountains. Juniper and Amanda flew to England.

Together or apart, we support each other. We found a solution to the problem of how to divide housework by gender. We still have a core of identity as a family, as four people who love each other and work together, that also allows each of us our individual direction and goals.

About the author:
Jonâ?™s articles and essays have been published in many periodicals including the Christian Science Monitor. He is the author of several books which focus on the enduring themes of â??family, wildlife, creative adventure, mountains and homeschooling.â?? His titles include Somewhere in a Oregon Valley, Quiet People in a Noisy World, Zinnias for Alice, In This House of Images, and In the Beginning.
You can receive Jonâ™s weekly e-letter of essays, poems and other creative works by visiting his web site:

http://www.remmerde.com and clicking on the appropriate link.
Jonâ™s books can be ordered from several sources including Amazon. com. There is also ordering information on his web site.
Email him at: remmerde@remmerde.com