Book Excerpt: The Mommy Manual by Barbara Curtis

The Keys to Joyful Motherhood
by Barbara Curtis

You wonder one minute why you had them and the next how you ever lived without them. They're exhilarating and exhausting - even at the same time. Thy bring out the best and the worst in you even as you're sifting through the worst and best of them.

You have children in your life. And once you have children in your life, you'll never be the same.

Like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz – "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore" – it's as though you entered another dimension with strange sights (scribbles on the walls, beans pushed up noses), sounds (whining, wailing, the Wiggles), and smells (let's not even go there). It's a place you'll dwell in for what seems like forever even as more experienced mommies warn you how fast it flies by.

Only another mother can understand. My advice: surround yourself with other mommies. Go to MOPS or play groups. Let the housework go and spend the morning in the park with other mothers and kids. Share your burdens and blessings with other moms.

There's nothing more calming and soothing than hearing another mother say, "I know how you feel."

And let me tell you right up front, I know how you feel too. Many days as a mommy, I'm just flying by the seat of my pants, dashing between dishes and diapers and deadlines. After all, I've been living the mommy life for thirty-five years. And though my Montessori training gave me a head start at understanding what makes kids tick, nothing could've prepared me for the surprises that daily living with kids could bring.

And nothing will require so much of you for so long.

If only we had ruby slippers! Then we'd dance down the Yellow Brick Road of motherhood! But ever though it's not that simple, just having a road map can help you find your way.

Of course, a map of motherhood can't be real specific, because all mommies and all kids are different. But it can show you directions and landmarks and vista points and perilous places. It can take away the mystery and give you knowledge of the territory, making your motherhood journey that much easier.

The Mommy Manual is meant to be that map and more. This book will enable you to better understand your children, to find more joy in everyday life with them even as you are helping them realize all the potential with which they were created.

In the last decade we've seen magazine cover stories galore on how scientists and educators are waking up to the fact that the first six years are the most important in a child's formation. That means you are more than the sum of the many hats you wear as mother: cook, laundress, interior decorator, EMT, domestic engineer, social planner, personal shopper, waitress, chauffeur. More important than all these put together, you are your children's first and foremost teacher.

So even as you keep busy sopping up spills and slathering sunblock on shoulders, you're engaged in building the foundation of your children's character and teachability.

Sound intimidating? It's really not.

See, we tend to think of education as a teacher filling a child's mind with information. We think educators/teachers need to have certificates, be professionals.

But the word education comes from the Latin word educare, which doesn't mean so much pumping information into but instead drawing forth the potentials that are already there. Yes, eventually we learn facts and figures, But our education begins way before that, and it has more to do with setting up our character as well as our approach to life, learning, and others.

God has built certain potentials into each child – some shared by all children, and some that are part of a uniquely individual set of gifts. A mommy's job is to see these potentials and help them be released. It's not that complicated – just a few simple principles can keep you on track. And as you'll see, most of the process can be fun.

Believe in your children as treasures. See beneath the rough surface to the precious and priceless beauty God has given them. And when it’s not the best of times but the worst, think of this story told of Michelangelo: when asked how he created his masterpiece sculpture, he replied he just chipped away at everything that wasn’t David. I like to think that God is the master sculptor of our children, but we are like the chisel in his hands. In God’s hands I can be patient as I do my part to help reveal the treasure he has planted inside each of my children.

Observation: Watch Them Well

My first homework assignment as a student teacher was to observe an animal at the zoo for two hours, taking thorough notes. I must admit I was resentful. What did this have to do with teaching kids?

Eventually I realized it had everything to do with it, because the assignment was actually an introduction to the art of observation. The simple fact was this: despite my initial balking, after two hours of gibbon observation, I knew I’d learned more than a stack of books could have taught me.

For anyone who wants to understand children, observation is a must. To give them the best, we need to see our kids clearly. My teacher training went on to include hundreds of hours and pages of assigned observation of children – individually and in groups – in classrooms throughout metropolitan Washington, D.C.

Now I’m a mother. And years of motherhood have only confirmed how important observation is for understanding what makes our own children tick.

Observation is really the starting point for mommies who want to tap in to their children’s God-given potentials. Think about it: how many times are we advised in Scripture to consider? Consider the lilies, the ravens, or the all-encompassing, “Stop and consider God’s wonders” (Job 37:14).


The Benefits of Observation
• You will know and love your child more.

• You will see not only how your child fits into the general patterns of development but also his unique qualities.

• You will know the minute your child is ready to learn something new or when he needs a new angle on something old.

• You will gain insight into patterns of behavior that might otherwise threaten to drive you crazy.

• You will clearly see your child’s strengths and weaknesses.
• You will know exactly how to pray for him.


Mommies don’t have a lot of extra time, so we just need to seize opportunities when we can. While you’re busy with dishes and your child is absorbed in emptying the cabinets that make her the unique person she is. Ask God to help you see your child the way he sees her.

Two-minute snatches grabbed here and there throughout the day, if done on a regular basis, can be enough to establish a habit of observation. Soon you’ll have the skill of a “professional” teacher in observing your particular child.

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Watch your child carefully, especially when she doesn’t know you’re watching. How does she like to sit? What does she like to do? What evokes her power of concentration? Does she need to slow down or to speed up? Would it help if she held her crayon differently or placed her coloring book at a different angle? What frustrates her, distracts her, makes her worry? What produces a look of accomplishment, a sigh of satisfaction? What is her biggest problem? What brings out her best? Is she ready for a challenge? What can you do to take her the next level?

Observation also makes our hearts more tender toward our children. Before your married life was filled with children and other distractions, did you ever grow tired of looking into your spouse’s eyes? Think of the hours you spent gazing at your first child and bonding with him.

So forget the messes and the madness whenever you can. Capture as many moments as possible to observe each of your children, asking God’s help in seeing what needs to be seen.

Then you’ll know and understand your child as never before.

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