Ministering to Sorrowing Children
by Shirley M. R. Minster

Once upon a time. A lovely phrase that used to be a guarantee to a child that he would hear a story filled with fantasy and excitement and that it would end happily ever after. However, in the world of unrest today, children have to deal with scary things and traumatic events that we wish would never affect them. Having said that, we must understand that they do have times of sorrow and do need adults who will minister to them.

Sorrowing is a deep, intense time of sadness. Our perception of sorrow and what we see as acceptable manifestations of it oftentimes determine how we will react to a child who is so sad. If we react, we are not ministering, but are having an immediate, often subconcious, response to the situation rather than the child’s needs. If we are to minister, then we must first evaluate the situation to decide why the child is so sad and then focus on his needs. We must care intentionally - this is being specific in caring actions.

The reasons for sorrow are many: death of a loved one, death of a pet, losing a friend or relative due to a move, loss of self-respect due to physical or emotional abuse. We adults prefer that children never have to face gut-wrenching times of sorrow. However, we must recognize that those times do come and each of those events can either be a time for the child to learn how to grow healthily in his emotions or how to stuff his emotions, causing more turmoil as he matures and has to face even more sadness.

The outward signs of sorrow vary based upon a child’s age and abilities. For instance, a five-year-old tends to be fearful about new situations and dealing with unfamiliar emotions is scary. A seven year old tends to be perfectionistic in habits and thoughts. Hence, when something causes sorrow, she has a difficult time accepting it because of its nonconforming to rituals of everyday life. A youngster of twelve is becoming more independent and finds it difficult to rely on adults to help him adjust to
this new feeling. A teen is looking to his friends for support in the sorrow, but they oftentimes don’t know how to help him because they are looking for support, too. Teens experience all emotions intensely; sorrow is no different.

We adults may also have difficulty helping a child through sorrow because we have never learned how to move through the depths of despair and sadness and onto the acceptance of our feelings. Our choice as adults is that we do not have to stay stunted in our emotions. We can go to God and ask Him to help us. The responsibility is on our shoulders to do just that - go to God and grow. We must learn this lesson well ourselves so that we can better minister to the children. They will then be able to minister to the next generation from a position of strength rather than confusion.


About the author:
Shirley M.R. Minster is the founder and director of Home Education & Family Services and Royal Academy in Gray, Maine. The full time work of Shirley and her staff is to help parents understand their children's learning styles, gifts, talents, and strengths and to help them succeed in their homeschooling experience. All programs are tailor-made for each child and each family. For more information visit the web site: http://www.homeeducator.com/HEFS