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Motherhood: Dirty diapers and child evangelism
by Cindy McDermott
Everyone knows the emotional pull of a picture of a young mother loving her newborn. Motherhood in this form is soft and warm and beautiful. Your own skin can tingle as you see the innocent caresses. Your heart can melt when you see the protective affection in the eyes of this mother and the trust and contentment in the loving gaze of the child. Would you like a Kleenex now?
Unfortunately, motherhood isn’t always so wonderful. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable or even painful, but it always involves endless hours of what most people would call menial and humble labor. The new mother may get her first dose of reality when morning sickness comes, but she will progress to the fatigue and uncomfortable largeness that follows. This leads her to the pain of labor and delivery.
The joy that she has in
bringing a child into the world may be followed by the pains of healing, the pains of a contracting uterus, the pains of her milk coming in, and the pains caused by a nursing baby. Before the pains involved in having a new baby have subsided, the drudgery begins. It is amazing how helpless God made babies. Everything must be done for them. Feedings, diaper changes, and holding the baby never seem to end – not even at night. The new baby may test the mother’s ability at surviving long term sleep deprivation.
As the child grows, his mother becomes his best friend and he wants her to spend all day with him. She may spend her “leisure” time playing blocks or pressing the same button on the same toy 50 consecutive times. Since a crawling baby or toddler lacks any common sense, he must remain in her sight at all times so he doesn’t walk into the street or stick his finger in an electrical outlet.
However, she cannot spend all her time “playing” with the baby. After all, there is laundry to be done, a house to clean, meals to cook, dishes to wash, and errands to run. And while a caring husband may reduce her workload, the work is never finished.
Eventually, the child will be able to use the restroom and dress himself, but by then the child will have a younger brother or sister. The process that begins with morning sickness must be repeated in its entirety, but this time with the added responsibility of caring for a two-year-old. Now there are two children in diapers and two children who cannot be allowed out of the mother’s sight. The older child may not be as dependent as the baby, but he may be more dangerous. One short distraction can see the toddler disappear and a toddler left to himself for even a moment is capable of incredible damage to property and to himself.
Before the mother has a chance to catch her breath, she has become a tutor, the referee of petty arguments, and a disciplinarian. The doors of the homeschool are opened, the Scriptures are read and explained, and practical homemaking and home managing skills are taught. In the beginning, this process is frustrating. The dishes the child washes are greasy, and the laundry he folds isn’t given to its rightful owner. Perhaps the lawnmower is destroyed for lack of oil, the garbage disposal ruined for the silverware thrown down the drain, the cookies get a cup of baking soda, or a gallon of milk is spilled when it is dropped on its way into the house. It seems the more helpers a mother has, the more work there is to do and the longer each job takes. Even so, more new babies may have come along – each child requiring of the mother pain, sleepless nights, and drudgery, but all in addition to the responsibilities that the existing children already demand.
When the children become trained and truly helpful, the mother can’t relax because she must ensure that her children are ready for career and marriage. By the time the mother sees her last child out of the house and the bulk of her labor is finished, she may have changed considerably. The energy and beauty that were hers as she entered motherhood may have diminished. Her once flat tummy may now contain a permanent pouch from the stretching and restretching of pregnancy. She may have wrinkles, varicose veins, gray hair, and a less shapely appearance. She is now called a lady and no longer a girl. She may even be known to some as grandma.
Although motherhood is an instinctive longing for most girls, the hardships involved cause women to go to great lengths to avoid it. The typical woman may be capable of having at least half a dozen children, but the average woman has only two. Drugs and more awkward means are used by millions of women to stop their bodies from acting normally and naturally in order to keep themselves from having to go through motherhood again. Abortions are rampant because motherhood is considered by many a ball and chain so horrible that it justifies murdering the unborn baby. When women do plunge into motherhood they are often quick to get the children into daycare, which is followed by preschool and day school. Motherhood has become too hard in the eyes of many to make it a full time job. Is it true that a woman’s instinctual desire for motherhood betrays her reason and makes her life unnecessarily hard? Are children really worth all the time and money required to raise them to adulthood? If the goal of life is pleasure or power, it may well be that children are a liability that should be accepted only in very small numbers – if they are accepted at all.
The Christian’s goal, however, should never be pleasure or power. We say we want to set aside selfish ambition and serve the Lord out of thankfulness for His grace and mercy. We say we want to be molded into the image of Christ. We say we want to be useful to our Master. We say we want to be used to lead others to Christ. We say we are willing to suffer persecution and even death for the cause of Christ. We say all these things, but do we really mean them?
Consider what Christ did for us. He gave up His life in heaven and humbled himself – taking upon himself the form of a servant. He was willing to live 2000 years ago as the son of a carpenter. He didn’t have air conditioning, modern plumbing, or central heat. There was no aspirin, antibiotics, or modern anesthesia. Insects and rodents were probably much harder to control. Death was probably a more common and imminent reality than it is for most of us in this time and place.
He chose a small group of men to train for the work that needed to continue after He returned to His Father in heaven. He protected these disciples and spent His life with them and taught them many things. Although Jesus was God, He put up with their human weaknesses, infirmities, and sin. He was willing to wash their dirty feet. He was even willing to suffer and die on the cross for the sins of His disciples and the sins of countless others. The price He paid and the punishment He bore was more than our human minds can fathom. Jesus submitted himself to the will of His Father although it demanded of Him so much sorrow and pain. In the end,
Jesus’ work was not in vain. His disciples turned the Roman world upside down – spreading the good news of forgiveness with great effect. They also trained and inspired others who were willing to carry on the work – work that continues today.
If a woman’s greatest desire was to serve and emulate her Savior, wouldn’t motherhood be an excellent means of doing so? A mother sacrifices a position of relative ease to bear and care for children. A mother cares for those who are ignorant, helpless, sinful, and who have done nothing to deserve her love. A mother is willing to do humble work like washing the dirty feet of her children. She protects and feeds her children. She suffers greatly for her children and sacrifices her own pleasures and ambitions, and she would be willing to sacrifice her own life if necessary for the sake of her children. She lives with them and teaches them so they can find the path to life and then spread the good news of salvation to a generation that will follow after she is gone.
Is a woman’s career likely to affect the world as much as raising godly children? I wonder how many Christian women, professing to be willing to do anything for the sake of the Gospel of Christ, are loath to experience menial work, sacrifice, suffering, or drudgery on behalf of another person – even if the beneficiaries are her own children.
Our churches are full of women who are willing to attend Bible studies that include coffee and cake. They are full of women willing to sing in the choir. They are full of women willing to help plan the potluck dinner. But you know, as necessary as all those things may be, how many women attend these events looking for escape or for support in overcoming the trials of motherhood?
I’m not saying the church shouldn’t minister to women or that a woman shouldn’t be involved in her local church. What I am saying is that women should see motherhood as their ministry – as a primary purpose for their existence as long as God keeps children in their homes. How can a child make it in the world if his mother will not help him? Women should consider it an honor to have the opportunity to model the love of Christ to a child who needs her. They should understand that when a woman changes a baby’s diaper, or holds her baby in the middle of the night, or cleans her child’s dirty socks, or disciplines her child, or takes him to the doctor, it is as if she was doing these things for Christ himself.
Jesus said, “Then the King will say to those on His right, ‘Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.’ Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’ ” (Mat. 25:34-40) How often do we pray for opportunities to be used of God and to minister the love of Christ when He has already given us many opportunities at home, and we have called them drudgery?
And although motherhood is a wonderful opportunity to humbly minister to the physical needs of children, that ministry also opens the door for opportunities to share the Gospel and disciple them in the ways of the Lord. When all is said and done, this is the highest calling of motherhood – to evangelize and disciple the precious souls God entrusts to the family. Indeed, the work many women despise as demeaning is truly a ministry of love and salvation.
This article was originally published in the online magazine SALT and is reprinted with permission.
About the author:
Cindy McDermott lives in Southwest Missouri with her husband, Jim who she has been married to for 19 years. They have 11 children: 7 daughters and 4 sons whom they homeschool. Their oldest is 18-years-old and youngest is one. She is expecting her 12th child in June.
According to Jim, Cindy has amazing patience and good humor. She has been a Registered Nurse for some time, but she is striving hard to achieve her ultimate career goal: full time wife and mom.
The McDermotts publish an online magazine which is full of helpful and encouraging articles on family life and
homeschooling from a Christian perspective.
Visit their web site: http://www.saltmagazine.com/
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