Attitude In Description

This exercise will help you to understand that:

1. Authors give attitudes to their narrative voices
2. You can give your reader feelings by the way you have your narrative voices describe scenes

Prewriting

One of the major jobs authors have is controlling the feelings of their readers. There are many ways authors do this, and one of the easiest to understand is the way they describe objects and situations.

In this paper you will describe a situation two times. The first time you will make your reader like it. The second time you will make your reader dislike it.

You will write about a picnic as if you are a mother who loves all kids. You must make your reader enjoy all of the things the mother sees, hears and smells. If you use the following list it may help:

She sees:

• The bright colors of the clothing
• The fast movements of the excited kids
• The eating and discarding of hot dogs and deserts
• The laughing and smiling faces
• The eagerness to be together
• The fun the kids have just running and playing
• The other mothers laughing and talking with the kids

She hears:

• The loud laughter and talking
• The rustle and pop of paper bags and pop cans
• The bang and crash of silverware
• The noise of speedboats on the lake

She smells:

• The pickles, and mustard
• The charcoal fire and the broiling hot dogs
• The orange and red soda pop

Writing

You will write about what the mother sees. Be sure your mother reads what you have written. This should be written in first person and in present tense. If you are not sure how this is done, ask your mother for help.

This example might show you about how it is possible to show how a character might be feeling about an event or a place:

Standing at the end of the slide helping some of the younger children, I have forgotten my own. I look up - the picnic area is jus a sea of color. There are kids everywhere. Now, what color is Bill's shirt? I think it's blue. There must be hundreds of boys with blue on.

The speeding boat creates white waves that wash over the swimming children and my eyes shoot to the beach. Has he gone swimming? Is he out too far-in danger from the boat. I look around, frantic now, for my child. And see him by the table of food. I should have known where he'd be.

Preparation:

Finish the rough draft of what the mother sees.

While your mother is reading the completed rough draft of the first section, you will write about what the mother hears.

Preparation:

1. A finished copy of what the mother sees
2. A rough draft of what the mother hears

Write the piece on what the mother smells. Keep in mind that the mother likes what she sees, hears and smells.

Show your mother:

1. The finished copy of what the mother hears
2. The completed rough draft of what the mother smells

Now you have a chance to write about the picnic as if it were being described by the grounds keeper who has to clean up after the picnic. You should use the same list, except the man will look, hear and smell things differently from how the mother does. This section should also be in first person and in present tense. You will want to have your mother look over your rough drafts before you write your final copies.

This example may help you get started:

Just look at this mess. It looks like there's a war going on here. Paper, garbage, pop cans and even a pair of shoes - and half the stuff's in the air, being thrown. I don't know why these mothers can't clean up after their kids. I spend my whole life trying to keep this park nice for people to come here and enjoy themselves, and look at the mess they're making and how they're gonna leave things. Even catsup on the swings. What a job.

At the end of today's lesson you should have a final copy of the two pieces.

Send your finished pieces to Let's Write! c/o Home Educator's Family Times, P.O. Box 708, Gray, ME 04039. When we have enough space we try to publish as many samples as possible. Do you have any questions about writing for Dave Marks to answer? Please send those along as well.

About the author ... Dave Marks is founder of the National Writing Institute and author of the extremely popular Writing and Reading Strands series.