Struggles, struggles, struggles! Forever I am struggling with the same unimportant issues. How should I fix my hair? How much makeup is ?acceptable?? Do I have to wear dresses?

Some of my friends say it is wrong for a woman to cut her hair. Other friends tell me it is wrong for a woman to braid her hair. Other friends say a woman must cover her hair. I know people who believe women should dress plainly, wear no makeup, and avoid stylish haircuts. Some godly women I know wouldn’t even think of wearing a pair of pants. Then, some of the godliest women I know live in jeans.

How can this be?

I have tried, unsuccessfully, to figure out what a Christian woman should look like. I have always desired for people to recognize that I was a Christian even if they saw me from across the street.

How does a Christian look anyway? As I tried to figure out what other Christian women were wearing, I came to the conclusion that all good Christian women wore skirts. So I began only wearing skirts. Not long after, I discovered that some Christian women wore pants. Oh good, I thought, now I can wear pants and still be a good Christian.

Then I joined the ranks of home schoolers. Everyone knows that all good Christian home schoolers, especially those with a lot of children wear (all together now) jumpers! Just the other day I was joking with some other home schoolers about what we would wear to the NICHE convention. ?Jumpers, the required uniform, of course? was their response.

I felt like I was finally getting my act together. To ?appear? to be a godly Christian woman, I must wear jumpers. So I bought jumpers. I could even buy them from Sam’s Club. ?Hey, this is cool. I can look godly and still be fashionable,? I mused. There was only one hitch.

Every time I looked in the mirror, I looked fat! Not only that, I looked short! Okay, I am short. There is no other way for me to look, but I’m really not that fat! So, in my quest to ?appear? godly, I purchased several jumpers and didn’t feel godly at all wearing them.

So then I reasoned that it’s not buying the jumpers that’s godly—it’s making the jumpers. That’s the step I missed. You have to make your own jumpers in order to truly be godly. Everyone knows that all godly home schooling mothers with lots of children make their own jumpers, denim jumpers.

Now I was excited about this. I felt the Lord’s hand on this project. I knew this was what I had been searching for. I made my jumper. It was so cute, but I still did not look godly—only fat!

Argh! I began to wonder if when I got older and started developing (fat cells) would I stop worrying about how I looked? I did not want to be obsessed with my appearance for the rest of my life.

Since I didn’t have time to waste in front of a mirror and since I didn’t want to draw attention to myself anyway, I decided what God really wanted was for me to wear jumpers, and He didn’t want me to fix my hair, wear makeup or jewelry. I thought I had it all figured out.

Then the McKims came.

Guess what? They wear makeup, fix their hair, and they don’t wear jumpers. And, believe it or not, they are godly people, too.

Back to the beginning. (Sigh.)

Now what do I do? I asked myself as I looked in the mirror. I’ll ask Julie McKim.

I told Julie about my struggle, and she gave me what I thought to be very wise advice. She told me to dress how my husband would want me to dress. That will solve my problem, I thought. I’m sure he will give me the answers I need. He will spell it out for me. He will go through my closet and throw away all the clothing he doesn’t like or doesn’t want me to wear.

So, I approached my dear husband and said, “Honey, how would you like me to dress?”

He looked me up and down and said, “Without clothes.”

His glib remark did not help at all. I don’t think it would be very godly for me to walk around without clothes on.

After some more prodding he was even less helpful. He simply said, “You look fine.”

I was wearing sweats at the time.

So, I’m back to the beginning again.

If I can ever get this clothing thing settled, then I can work on the makeup issue. Makeup wasn’t an issue for me when I was younger. I had nearly perfect skin and didn’t need makeup to look just fine.

I began to wonder, though, when people started asking me if I had had a rough night. ?You look tired,? they’d say. I wasn’t really tired; I just looked tired.

I began once again to look in the mirror. Every time I would look in the mirror, I would quietly say, ?Yuck!? I don’t think most people would see me and say, ?Yuck!? But I felt ?yucky? as I looked at my overweight body. The reflection that stared back at me was not smiling—it was sagging.

I was blaming the ?yuck? feeling on having to tuck in my stomach, rather than my shirt. When I looked in the mirror, I did not see ?godliness.?

Since I hadn’t gotten very far with agreeing with my husband’s input, making my own jumpers, or even asking other people’s advice, I decided to go the Source. As I sought His wisdom, a verse continued to go through my mind, ?Charm is deceitful, beauty is passing: but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised? (Proverbs 31:30 NKJV). It was there that I found the answer to my struggle.

I realized for the first time what God wants me to wear. God doesn’t look at me through the same kind of mirror I do. God doesn’t look at my outside! He looks straight into my heart. I couldn’t get past the way I looked on the outside to see how I looked on the inside. What I needed was a day at the health spa for my spirit. I needed to spend more time on my innards and less time on my ?outards.? We can’t look ?godly? enough if our spirit is ?yuck.? We can dress the part. We can wear the right makeup or no makeup. We can buy jumpers, make jumpers, or wear sweats, and it doesn’t make one bit of difference to God.

I have decided when I look in the mirror as I’m talking to myself (I always talk to myself while looking in the mirror, don’t you?), instead of asking myself how I look, I’m going to ask God how I look.

Then, I’m going to pray, “Lord, make me pure in heart as I go about my day. Cause people to see You in me. If I go out, I want to glorify You. But if I stay home, cause these precious little souls that You have loaned me, to see You.”

One day as I was sitting at my computer typing away, my son John, who had been allowed at one point in his life to watch Sleeping Beauty, came up to me and said, “Mom?”

?Yes, John?? I replied.

“You are the fairest of them all.”

THE MIRROR

I look into my mirror

and wonder what You see.

Do You see godliness

deep inside of me?

Or do You see someone

who just cares about her hair?

Do You see a person

who doesn’t really care?

Do You see the extra

pounds of fat?

Or, do You really

care about that?

Do You see a person

who has a holy fear,

For a precious Savior

that she holds so very dear?

Do You see a person

whose heart is pure?

Do You see a person

who knows You, for sure?

As I look in my mirror

help me to see,

The kind of person

You want me to be.

©2001 Terri Camp, I’m Going to be the Greatest Mom Ever!...Even if it Kills Me!

Terri is a home school mom of eight children from 14- 3 years. She is the author of I’m Going to be the Greatest Mom Ever!...Even if it Kills Me! and Ignite the Fire! You may visit her web ministry for home schoolers at www.ignitethefire.com.