In general, it seems that the majority of the responsibility of homeschooling (researching, planning curriculum, choosing materials, and instructing the children) falls to mothers. However, I am acquainted with and aware of fathers who stay home and fill the role of homeschooling parent, while the mothers are the breadwinners. I have also e-mailed with a single father who shares custody of their child with his ex-wife. The mother homeschools the child during her custodial periods, and the father has him enrolled in a private alternative campus school during his custodial periods. From talking with homeschoolers, it appears that although the stereotypical arrangement of homeschooling mother and breadwinning father is still in the majority, there are two major groups of breadwinning fathers:

- supportive and involved in a variety of ways with teaching the children academic and practical skills

- supportive in other ways but not involved in academic pursuits

Besides those major groups, there are fathers who permit homeschooling but don ?t fully understand it or approve of it. Some of these fathers take a hands-off approach and give their wives full rein as far as implementing the homeschooling program.

In writing this article I have enlisted the aid of many homeschoolers. Homeschooling families are unique and home education programs vary; there is no one right way to homeschool and no one right way to support the stay-at-home homeschooling parent. I hope meeting some of these families will inspire you to try something new, or just simply appreciate each other more.

One family struggled with the issue of homeschooling. Mom was all for it and dad was opposed. They finally agreed to a trial run of Saturday classes for their 2 children with a couple of other families who were homeschooling. The reluctant father ?s specialty was physics and he taught the small group. Through the experiment he was won over as he discovered: ·

1) he could contribute something to his children's education in an area of that was important to him.

2) the impressive learning ability and intelligence level of the children and found that learning isn ?t really such a mystery for young children! 3)his relationship with his children changed positively through this trial run.

Another mother feels she has the perfect homeschooling husband/father! Yet, she says if you asked her husband what he does in their home school, he would tell you he doesn't do anything. He isn ?t good in grammar and spelling, claims to have no clue about higher maths, and has trouble remembering his own history, much less the history one finds in textbooks. The few times she has had him attempt to ?teach ? from a lesson plan have been a complete disaster! So what does he do to earn such high accolades from his wife?

“Unlike me, my husband can watch nature shows on PBS ad infinitum. He watches and discusses Nova and other science shows with the children, and also political and financial shows. He ?s big on bringing out points that are not mentioned or are glossed over - interesting tidbits that make the children think.?

In addition, she says, her husband is a mechanical genius! Their children understand such things as how a car engine works, an air conditioner cools, or a pool filter cleans, because their father has explained it to them as they helped him repair them. They have learned about the color spectrum from watching him mix paints, principles of geometry from helping him measure wood, walls, carpeting, etc. for projects, and chemistry from his explanations of the things he keeps in the myriad containers in the garage. He is a most enthusiastic audience for their stories and poems, and always encourages their budding musical and artistic abilities. When they were younger he read to them, and had them read to him.

She feels sure that their children have learned nearly as much from his informal lessons as they have from her daily instruction. He uses everyday situations and his fantastic sense of humor to get important information to stick in their young minds.

She continues, ?Most important of all, however, he has taught them, by his wonderful example, how to be a person of integrity. When he dared to take his family on our RV ?trip of a lifetime? he showed them that following your dreams can be done, if you're willing to pay the price. By willingly and openly sharing his life with them he has taught them the most important things they could learn about how to live their own.?

This wonderful homeschooling father had a lot of doubts about the wisdom of teaching their children at home. It was only because his wife was convinced it was the path they were suppose to take that he reluctantly agreed to the ?experiment? on a year-by-year basis. He hasn't always been supportive, but over the years he has learned the benefits of homeschooling and how learning happens.

Another mother says that although her husband doesn't have as much time as they would like to spend with the kids in regard to 'school' he does contribute quite a bit. They alternate on whose day it is, and since they have two children, each child has every other day, with Friday being 'test' day. The mother focuses attention on which ever one is 'on' for that day (still giving direction to the other as well though), and her husband gives the other various assignments/tasks to accomplish for that day which he then discusses with them when he gets home from work. Their son has learned hexadecimal and binary code, and is currently learning html from his father. Their daughter is learning to use a variety of word processing software and American Sign Language from her father. In their household the father is the primary source of discipline and structure. So, although he isn ?t present throughout the day, he does have an impact in what they learn...as well as how they play. This mother says her husband is the 'fun one' in the eyes of their children. This family has learned how to make the fathers presence real when, in fact, he is absent every day earning the family ?s living.

Other mothers find that having a supportive husband is what they need the most. While carrying out the homeschooling responsibilities, knowing their husbands appreciate their efforts and give them both verbal and physical support in other areas is what they appreciate.

One mother said, “Having him (her husband) on my side is extremely valuable. He ?s learned that he needs to say it out loud more often.? Since history is a subject this mother loathes, her husband tours old houses and history museums with the children and gives them the background information in this area. He also helps her find resources, especially books, on the subjects they are studying.

Listen to what another mother says: ? Homeschooling (especially things we do without structure) have been extremely difficult for my husband ?s engineering brain to handle and I sometimes don't share with him about things we ?ve done because I know that he won ?t appreciate what it really entails.? However, she continues that ?He is a very good, supportive husband . . . just not in the way you would think.? The first couple of years that this mother homeschooled, she had a very difficult time with the school work, plus house work, shopping, cooking and household budgeting. So, she asked her husband if he would take over the entire budget... paying the bills, balancing the checkbook, managing the money, etc. She told him, ?Just tell me how much money I have to spend and I ?ll stay within that amount.? Although some women would find this too restrictive, for this mother it took the stress off completely. Now that things have lightened up for her with schooling, she could take the job back but she chooses not to. She feels he does a much better job than she, and enjoys not having the worry of stretching the dollar. That has been the thing that has helped her the very most and she ?s thankful that he took over and does such a spectacular job at it. He also has been a wonderful help with the children in Math. Notice both of these tasks are perfect for a father with an engineering brain.

One family responded that the father takes a child with him to work; he tours schools and libraries with marionette shows for a living. The child of the day does the school practice work while waiting for Dad to do his show. They check the work together in the car on the ride home. In this family , when Mom is doing research and attending class, their oldest daughter goes with her to the library, to class, to the student lounge. She does her reading, math, and writing while Mom studies. This homeschooling family is planning for Dad to be the primary homeschool teacher next year. Another mother gave this quick list of things that her husband does to help: " running errands " taking kids places (their classes, on errands, doctor appointments.) " helping at home " helping with some of their schoolwork " helping with their discipline Still another stay-at-home homeschooling mother states, “My husband helps a lot with cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry, etc. That really helps take some of the pressure off of me to 'do it all!' He's also my sounding board. He really lets me make most of the curriculum decisions, since I ?m the one who ?s done the research and who will be doing the teaching. But when I ?m struggling, he ?ll listen to me talk about both sides of the problem, and give some thoughts of his own all of which usually helps, whether I ?m trying to figure out how to teach a reluctant speller, or choosing next year ?s curriculum.?

The parents of an autistic and bright child stood together in choosing to go against the trend by not doing ABA (40 hours a week of intense training by strangers) and trusting that they could give their son an equivalent or better education. Even though her husband is a scientist with a PhD (and might have been expected to leave such decisions to the 'experts') he felt that the stress of fighting for services plus the cost of same (lawyers are expensive) and the stress of separation for their son and his mother was not worth it. Instead they wrote their own IEP which includes music and horseback riding therapies, sign language classes, and other special activities and resources.

One dad responded, ?As a Dad I help in a number of ways. I teach several classes at home: Science, History (World, State, and United States), Social Studies, Bible Studies, Geography and Computer education for me and the kids (I am studying for certification on computer support and teaching the kids about computers from the circuit boards on up to programming.)? He teaches the children wood working, home repair, and is a Scout leader, Awana stand-by leader, swim coach, and Leader Dog/Puppy Trainer. Finally, he states, ?Also I teach other classes when Mom is unable to, I serve as principal and sounding board for Mom, provide correction when needed, and drive to out of the way places and work out extra activities for the kids to make history more fun.? It might be nice to clone this homeschooling dad!

But it's important to realize that homeschooling fathers need to find their niche in this whole endeavor and each father's niche will be a little different, even as each homeschooling family differs in many ways. Perhaps homeschooling mothers will realize as they read these vignettes that the fathers in their lives are doing more than they realized. And perhaps fathers will realize how much it helps when they support their wives even if they can ?t spend as much time as they'd like to.

Marsha Ransom is the mother of 4 homeschooled children, two graduated and two still homeschooling. A freelance writer and conference speaker, she recently was keynote speaker for ?Connections: A Homeschool Expo? in Portage, Michigan. She is the Michigan state liaison for the National Home Education Network (http://www.nhen.org) and the author of the recently published book, ?The Complete Idiot ?s Guide to Homeschooling?.