|
By Nigel Lane (Teen Coach)
Many parents struggle to get their teenagers to open up to them and allow them into their lives. It can sometimes seem that they are a closed book - one of those locked diaries maybe even with it’s own guard dog! From time to
time it can seem impossible to get them to open up and allow you into their lives. Don’t give up!
Getting them to talk with you and for you to know about their lives can be a great way for you to protect them from danger, highlighting things to them that they may not have been aware of. We are not suggesting that you spy and snoop; if you get your information that way them there will be very little you can do about it - and if they find out, they will be very unhappy - to say the least.
Here are four ideas to get you started:
Start young - it is always easier to keep something going that has been a part of family life than to start a new
tradition later in life. Of course you may hit some road blocks along the way but stick with it - the prize is well
worth it.
Find common ground. Learning to be interested in what interests them, you will find they are more open to talk about those kinds of things. Yes, it means maybe listening to their music but it will form a platform to take the
discussion deeper. Simply asking ‘How was your day?’ won’t get you very far.
Be open to what they say. Of course they may tell you things that you wish you didn’t know - either about
themselves or their friends. Don’t appear shocked or react in a judgmental way because that will just cause them to close up. It is possible to tell them you disapprove of something without them feeling got at. If you can work through these things, then they will surely come to you whenever they have a problem.
Spend more time together. In the busyness of life we can often skip spending time with our children. I often hear people talking about quality time but my experience has shown me that quality time only comes when there is quantity time. It isn’t possible to schedule quality time - that’s not how human relationships work. Many teenagers see the lack of time with their parents as a major concern. Here are four quick thoughts to help you :
• Why not set up a specific weekly get together, something fun. in my home town Tuesday nights are cheaper
at the cinema. And it’s a 25 minute drive each way.
• Try making dinner time a family time -not easy I know but if you can do it two or three times a week that would be great.
• Get involved in one of their activities - coach their team.
• Drive them to school each day instead of sending them on the bus - even if it’s only one way.
It may take some time to overcome their initial reluctance to open up but stay with it and the benefits you will get will be worth all the effort.
For more information:
http://www.awesomeparents.com
We also have an Understanding Teenagers blog of interesting articles.
Email Nigel: nigel@awesomeparents.com
|
