by Bellisant Corcoran-Mathé (grade 9)

On the tenth of May, in the basement gym of Hunter College on 68th and Lexington Avenue, the Gotham Girls Roller Derby League had their first official bout of the 2008 Season That night Queens of Pain faced off against Manhattan Mayhem. A large, vocal crowd, Jeerleaders, and mascots were on hand to support both teams.

As this was my first roller derby bout, I didn't know what to expect. What would the crowd be like? Would there be any brawls between the two teams? I had heard of roller derby teams tearing each others' hair out and I was prepared to bring my own helmet. Since I was informed before hand that alcohol was not permitted and that all the fans would be put through a metal detector, I got the impression that I would be next to dog-collar-wearing punks, or maybe bikers. After arriving at the school, I was greeted by a perky woman wearing a huge smile... and fishnet stockings. I informed the ticket-takers that this was my first bout and they became even more cheery. Upon entering the arena, I estimated that there were between 500 and 600 fans on the wooden bleachers, which is a larger crowd than my theatre group draws in two years of performances. I saw no nose rings the entire night.

For those who are not familiar with the rules and game play of roller derby, here are the ins and outs of roller derby bouts. Five skaters skate per team at one time. A team is made up of one lead jammer and four blockers. The blockers form a pack and try to prevent the opposing team's lead jammer from lapping through the pack. If a lead jammer makes it through the pack of blockers, every member of the opposing team that she passes after that, is worth one point. This is called a jam and it can last up to two minutes, or less if the lead jammer puts her hands on her hips (a sign that she has had enough). The game is broken up into two 30 minute sections with an infinite number of jams within that time.

Queens of Pain and Manhattan Mayhem are both part of the Gotham Girls Roller Derby League. There are two other teams (each team is associated with a particular NYC borough), the Brooklyn Bombshells and the Bronx Gridlock. Manhattan Mayhem (in orange convict jumpsuits) consists of thirteen players, seven of whom are rookies. The captain of Mayhem is Sweet Sherry Pie, the "VICE" captain is Surly Temple, and the managers are Roxy Balboa and BJ Hooker. With only two rookies on their team, Queens of Pain (wearing black shorts and fishnet stockings) have a total of twelve players. Their captain is Suzy Hotrod, with Cheapskate assisting and Buster Cheatin' and Unfarrah Fawcett managing. Since Mayhem has never won a roller derby championship and Queens of Pain have won four, I think it would be easy to say that a lot of people had their "money" on
Queens for this bout.

The event proceeded. After introducing each and every one of the team players, the game started with a bang as Lucille Ballistic, first lead jammer for Mayhem, on only her second lap around the oval ring, was hurled into the VIP stand ... twice, by Queen's defense, led by Anna Bollocks and Hyper Linx. Although Lucille was not seriously injured, her accident gave the paramedics something to do in an otherwise tame game. In the first half, the jammers for Queens, Suzy Hotrod and
Cheapstake, took advantage of the Mayhem's defense line by squeezing through the gaps, quickly racking up the points. They started strong and kept up their steam for the rest of the first half. The lead jammers who scored points for Mayhem were Sweet Sherry Pie and Em Dash, a rookie.

As I watched the game progress, I noticed that there was a large pack of 'black' circling the track. This pack was the defensive line of Queen's of Pain. This line of seasoned players spent the bout skating in tight formation – a formidable wall for Mayhem to roll through. Additionally, it seemed that the Mayhem skaters frequently received penalties from the referees and spent more time in the penalty box which was a section of seats designated "Bad Girls". Losing blockers, and sometimes
jammers, to the box left a thin line of defense for Queens to penetrate. The first half ended with Mayhem at 37 and Queens at 72.

The second half began much like the firs with both teams performing at high energy and neither giving up. At one point, a Mayhem jammer was sent to the penalty box and a Queens' jammer was just about to score when she, too, was sent to the bad girl box. One Mayhemite was on her way to scoring when, as if from no where, she was bowled over by Cheapskate. Such is the world of roller derby.

All the seasoned skaters on both teams scored well and got a few good shoves in, but several rookies also performed well. For their first bout, Mayhem players, Polly Gone and Em Dash, scored just as well as the skaters who had been going roller derby for as long as six years. The crowd obviously favored Polly Gone, because when she was sent to the penalty box by referee Rumbledore, almost every fan booed. I rarely saw any rookies on the track as lead jammers for Queens; they kept their seasoned players up front and rarely used their newbies. The final score of the first game of the season was Manhattan Mayhem, 71, Queens of Pain 152. In the last few seconds of the game, the whole crowd knew it was all over for Mayhem, but the girls in orange kept trying to score points right up until the buzzer sounded.

Roller Derby is a fast-paced game and this was certainly a good start to the season for Queens of Pain. These teams skated and scored for an hour and I got tired just watching them. By the end of the game, I had a sore throat from so much jeering. So, until next time, this is Bela Lagosi (how's that for a derby alias?) signing off.