Homeschooling and the All Important Family

by Rachel Gathercole

The homeschooling movement is absolutely exploding with growth. Since 2000, the homeschooling population has been growing at the astounding rate of at least 10 to 20 percent per year. Literally millions of families are homeschooling in the United States alone. What is it that draws so many people to this trend? Through all the talking and listening I have done with hundreds of diverse homeschoolers across the country, one common theme has emerged as the most important advantage to homeschoolers: family unity. This element of homeschooling is of the utmost importance to homeschoolers, who consider it the cornerstone of (and the greatest boon to) their children’s social development.

And this makes sense. Unlike families of school-going children, the homeschooling family shares their days, and the members of the family share one unified life rather than leading separate lives (e.g., lives at school, at work, etc.) that intersect only in the evening and on weekends. This is cited as a key feature of homeschooling even by single-parent families and families in which the parents work outside the home. Whatever approach a homeschooling family follows (and there are many), they do it in a family context, a setting that we all continue to live in, need, and experience our entire lives, rather than in a school setting, which is an artificial environment that exists only during childhood and for its own purposes, and is not duplicated later in life unless one becomes a teacher.

Within the homeschooling lifestyle, families are also free to spend frequent, extended periods of time with other families or groups of families, socializing with the other kids and adults while still remaining in the presence of their own families. Since they move in the same circles rather than in separate circles, it is easy for the children to spend time with their friends while the adults spend time with theirs, while at the same time the family remains physically unified and the parents remain present for and available to the children, who can be supervised on an age-appropriate basis. This type of social gathering is, for many, an integral part of the homeschooling experience. Certainly homeschooling kids and adults also have some of their own separate friends from other circles, too, but it seems they are far less likely to feel disenfranchised from one another.

When at home, too, the homeschool family functions largely as a unit, having abundant time to know each other well and learn skills for living together. That learning is as much a part of homeschooling as learning math or reading is. At the same time, the very small ratio and the unique parent-child relationship homeschooling facilitates allows parents a great deal of room to understand, respect, and nourish their children’s
individuality.

Critics of homeschooling sometimes assert that children need to be separated from their parents in order to learn independence and experience things they would not (or would not be allowed to) if their parents were around. They worry that children may be stifled by their parents’ presence. Onlookers may wonder: is the parent just having trouble letting go, afraid to allow the child any freedom to grow and become an independent individual?

Homeschooling parents have thoughtful and fascinating answers to these questions, beginning with two basic assertions: one, yes, we can, and do, let go—homeschooling does not mean our kids spend as much time around us as you might imagine; and two, parents are not supposed to let go as early as popular culture leads us to believe—kids need us, and that is why they have parents.
Homeschoolers do have time away from their parents. They typically engage in a substantial number of activities outside of the home and have plenty of friends with whom they spend time. But with that said, the question arises as to how important this time away from parents really is.

There is another issue that ultimately may be far more important. Research has indicated that the most important aspect of socialization is not relationships with peers, but relationships with adults. And of course, this is nothing new. It has long been known that parental involvement is the number one factor in kids’ success at school, and it is likewise in the family that the most important social learning occurs. All types of educators and school personnel agree that the most important social and other learning occurs at home. And needless to say, parental involvement is a defining element of homeschooling.

The idea that early and abundant independence from parents is desirable may be part of an overall societal pressure on kids and parents toward early, forced independence (also seen in pressures toward early weaning, sleeping alone and through the night at a very young age, and so on.) More and more research is showing, and parents are discovering, that strong attachment bonds between child and parents, not forced independence, creates happy children and healthy socialization. In other words, the one factor that, more than anything else, influences children’s socialization, is family. And really, haven’t we always known this? No wonder homeschoolers consider family unity the most important aspect of homeschooling, and the key to their children’s social development.
Happy Parenting!

Reprinted with Permission and excerpted from The Well-Adjusted Child: The Social Benefits of Homeschooling

About the author
Rachel Gathercole is an author and the mother of three delightful homeschooled children. Holding a Bachelor of Arts with Distinction from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, she has been homeschooling for ten years and is respected as an author of many informative articles and essays that cut through stereotypes and misconception and shed new light on homeschooling, parenting, and children. Her articles have appeared in various national and local publications, including as cover stories in Mothering, Life Learning, and other magazines.

A trusted member of the homeschooling community, Rachel was recently interviewed by Mike Smith on the nationally-syndicated radio show Home School Heartbeat, is a resident parenting expert on the popular website WithJess.com, and has been featured as a guest speaker in the Mothering-sponsored chat room at MommyChats.com. Rachel has interviewed hundreds of homeschooling parents and children across the United States and Canada, taught writing classes to homeschoolers for several years, and served as a co-leader of her local home educators’ association.
For more information and to read her articles and blog please visit:
http://www.rachelgathercole.com/