Let's Write!

Working with the narrative voice (part III)

by Dave Marks (National Writing Institute)

In the last essay we worked with the tense and how it might shift with justification. I introduced you to a refresher lesson last year in the attitude that an author can choose for his narrative voice, but I think this is so important it will stand repetition. This is an aspect of narrative voice choice that gives many young writers trouble. Part of the problem is the complexity of the abstraction and some young writers get carried away with showing their readers that their narrative voices care too much about what happens to their characters. When this occurs their writing can become overly sentimental or mawkish. You might remind your writers that a little bit of care on the part of a narrative voice can go a long way.

The attitude choice of an author for a narrative voice is either subjective or objective. You’ll want to review for your children what these terms represent for a narrative voice. An easy way to do this is simply to tell them that a subjective narrative voice lets the reader now it cares about what is happening in the story. An objective voice does not let the reader know how it feels. An illustration for them should help you explain the difference.

We noticed the large stable was on fire when I saw ribbons of smoke coming from one of the air vents high on the nearest wall. It looked almost like thin tendrils of fog drifting toward the roof. I pointed and said, “What’s that coming out of that vent?” Lefty looked and shouted, “Fire.” When I heard that I thought of the fifteen horses in the long building. Those animals had no idea what was about to happen. I knew they would be nervous when they smelled the smoke but then would get scared because they wouldn’t know what was happening. Then they would panic. I ran toward the stable and when I slid back the large door a cloud of smoke billowed out at me.

Lefty ran past me and into the stall of Mr. Arponet’s favorite horse, an Ariabian. I was right behind him and opened the stall of the next shifting and nervous horse. The frightened animal knew there was something wrong but had no idea what it was. Once the horses still in the building began to panic it would be impossible to get them out. I knew we would have to watch and hear the horses we couldn’t save, for it is very dangerous to go into a confined place with a panicky horse. There was nothing we could do but try to save as many as we could.

You may sense a feeling of coldness to this voice, so read this voice version first and ask your children how the narrative voice feels about the horses that will be destroyed and how they know this.

The same piece written with a subjective voice reads much the same but the difference is in the effect it creates in the reader.

We noticed the large stable was on fire when I saw ribbons of smoke coming from one of the air vents high on the nearest wall. It looked almost like thin tendrils of fog drifting toward the roof. I pointed and said, “What’s that coming out that vent?” Lefty looked and shouted “Fire.” When I heard that my first thought was of the fifteen beautiful horses in the long building. Those poor animals had no idea what was about to happen. I knew they would be nervous when they smelled the smoke but then would get scared because they wouldn’t know what was happening. Then, the worst thing of all, they would panic. I ran toward the stable and when I slid back the large door a cloud of smoke billowed out at me.

Lefty ran past me and into the stall of Mr. Arponet’s favorite horse, a beautiful Arabian. I was right behind him and opened the stall of the next shifting and nervous horse. The frightened animal knew there was something wrong but the poor beast had no idea what it was. I felt helpless but knew, no matter how hard it would be, we would have to watch and hear the horses we couldn’t save, for it is very dangerous to go into a confined place with a panicky horse. It made me sick to think of it but there was nothing we could do but try to save as many as we could.

I have underlined those places where the subjective voice is evident. You might read the above passage to your children and have them stop you when they recognize that the narrative voice is showing that it cares what will happen to the horses. These passages were written in first person and so it was easy to write with a subjective voice but hard to use an objective voice.

All young writers must understand that before they begin to write they must select the options available for the narrative voice they wish to use. If they don’t they cannot be aware enough about what they are doing to be sure they are being consistent with their narrative voice choices.

You might give your children an assignment similar to the one I just used to demonstrate these choices of attitude. Then it’s just a matter of you watching subsequent writings to make sure they remain in control of their narrative voices.

About the Author

Dave Marks, the founder of National Writing Institute and the author of the Writing Strands and Reading Strands series of books, graduated from Western Michigan University. He then received a Masters of Arts degree from Central Michigan University and did 45 more hours of graduate work in English at Eastern Michigan University and Michigan State University. Dave retired after 30 years of teaching writing in college, high school, junior high and grade school.

When their son was in the fourth grade, Dave and his wife Lea realized that he was not being given the training they felt he needed and elected to homeschool him in language arts. To prepare him for college writing, they designed a series of lessons, which he completed by the age of twelve. That summer, they enrolled him in freshman English at Lake Michigan College, where he received his first A in college work. He is now a poet and university professor. Dave and Lea later turned these lessons into the Writing Strands series of books. While Dave never maintained that the series could create poets for other homeschooling parents, he felt that if children worked successfully through the Writing Strands series of books, they would have the skills needed for the challenge of any writing assignment in their undergraduate college work.

In addition to authoring the Writing Strands series, Dave's work regularly appears in Family Times and Practical Homeschooling .

Visit the web site: http://www.writingstrands.com